How to Make Vehicular Manslaughter Even More Interesting

About a month ago I moved out of the ghetto and into a new house in West Milwaukee. When I left my old apartment at 24th and Wisconsin I left behind all of my crackhead friends, as well. But moving into my new place presented an entirely new challenge. Now instead of blowing off bums asking me for money I have to dodge shit eating little children as I drive down Westgrand Lane to my house. Needless to say, there have been a few casualties. My experiences mowing down kids with my car have, obviously, been enjoyable. Who doesn't like to pretend the eight year old next door is a speed bump? But I thought of something that can make the experience even better. I have assigned a points-system to my vehicular manslaughter activities. Here it is:

5 Points for hitting any kid. Period.

+1 if the kid is on a bike.

+2 if the kid is on a skateboard.

+5 if you have to swerve to kit the kid. Effort should be rewarded.

+1 if the kid is wearing a baseball hat and you knock it off.

+5 if the kid rolls up the hood of the car and onto the roof.

+10 if the kidd rolls up the hood of the car and all the way over the roof.

-10 if you swerve and miss.

+5 if the kid is a fucking wigger. Like my neighbor.

+5 if you make eye-contact before car contact.

+.1 points for every broken bone. Fingers and toes do not count, and you can only count up to 10 vertebrae.

+4 if you break both femurs.

+10 if the kids parents are present.

+5 if the kid starts running and you chase him/her down.

+2 if you are eating any kind of sandwich while performing your child-crushing duty.

+15 if you kit two or more kids at once.

+20 if you avoid serving any jail time.

This is still a work in progress and I will come up with more ways to score point in the future. In the meantime get in your car and go hunting. First one to 100 points wins.

Eat my bumper you snotty little shitbags.