Back On Track

After enduring a week of pure misery I often find that it is cathartic to cut loose and send myself into an alcohol-induced coma that lasts the duration of the weekend. So what did I do this weekend? Yep - Absolutely nothing. And it was great. I sat on my ass in my living room and watched DVD's and television for an entire sloth-y weekend of laziness. Granted, I did have my good friends bourbon and vodka with me, but I never left the house for anything except to kick the wigger next door in the face. God that felt good. I think I will do it more often.

Anyway, about halfway through watching Cast Away, starring the greatest actor of all time - Mr. Tom Hanks - I realized that I don't ever want to be stranded on a fucking island. I know, I know. Quite the revelation. Just bear with me. I love that movie because it doesn't romanticize the idea of being completely secluded from the rest of the world, but it also serves to show how isolation provides a vastly different perspective of the world. I don't really know what else it should or does mean to me, but I found the movie in my collection at a seemingly very appropriate time. Seriously, Tom Hanks, is there anything you can't do? I would fellate you on command...

Now, just to show that I am back to usual, jovial self, I am going to set up my dream scenario which involves former US Senator and current Democratic Presidential candidate Mike Gravel and my favorite black hole of rationality, Ann Coulter.

Ann: "SENATOR GRAVEL, YOU ARE A LIBERAL!!! LIBERALS ARE BAD!!!"

Sen. Gravel: "Shut the fuck up Ann, I've eaten people more important than you."

Ann: "LIBERALS ARE RUINING THE COUNTRY!!! AHHH!!!"

Sen. Gravel: *Punches Ann Coulter in the mouth* "And my fist ruined your face. Your next completely pointless assertation, please?"

Ann: *Mumbling words as blood drips from her mouth* (But, obviously, it's really loud)

Sen. Gravel: "What's that Ann? Did I punch you too hard? Maybe this will help" *Pulls a baseball bat out of his overcoat and hits Ann Coulter in the face*

Ann: *Slowly dies in front of newly crowned American Hero Senator Mike Gravel*

Sen. Gravel: "Damn, that was fun. I think I'll make a sandwich."

Problem solved.

Please do this Senator Gravel, and I will vote for you in the primary. Fuck it, I will vote twice. Fraud's never been a deterent for me.

*Cue Ann Coulter twitching violently in a bloody heap on the ground.*

Stupid bitch.