Late Night Thoughts

It's been a while, it's late as hell, and I just received some inspiration in the form of a terrible, terrible, foul piece of writing a friend of mine presented to me. To be honest, it made me question any type of faith in or hope I may have for humanity. Not really. But it's pretty biased and vulgar so I figured it was worthy of putting up here. But first, I need to complain about little kids. Why little kids, you ask? Because lots of people like to bitch about kids, and it makes me seem badass, you know, like, I just don't care and shit, and, man...... I got off track. Anyway, I saw some kids in the mall today in the store while waiting for the return of my guest writing friend's computer and one thought came to mind. Shouldn't these kids be on leashes? That was quite seriously the very first thing that came to me as I saw three rich suburban tweeners nearly convulsing with joy while playing the Blue's Clues computer game. It made me think of how much of a douche I was when I was 9 or 10 years old. I know for a fact I was a prick, but watching these kids, I was actually filled with anger that they were let loose into the world that I nearly kicked the one with braces only on the top teeth (as compared to Dipshit McOverbite sporting rims on both sides of the grill) squarely in the face. I declined, however, as the security at the Apple store looked menacing with their badges in iPod holders and cool walkie talkies. Also, I try to make it a policy not to hit kids. Unless I can get money from their parents. You have no idea how many parents don't beat their kids but will pay someone to do it. That someone is me, friends. That someone is me.

Anyway, on to G-Spot's unedited, absolutely uneducating, angry rant about academia. Good luck.

While being new at college I tend to notice that the world is really fucked up. The people who inhabit this piece of shit rock called earth really have no fucking clue what’s going on. The people who go to college are the worst of the incompetent, and worthless bunch. These, actually, we people pay money to take classes full of information we drink or smoke or blow away within hours. And even if we do remember it for the future, what the fuck does half the shit we learn even matter? Take a look:

1. History- Great, let us soak up and memorize instead of learn every little fact of manipulated, falsified, and unessential shit that we read or are told about. The people who write these book write with a bias, even if you’re told they don’t. Plus, if you have time to fucking write a book full of unoriginal ideas and manipulated facts…. fuck you and kill your self because you are worthless, too.
2. English- umm that’s funny but I believe the English I learned in 2^nd 3^rd 4^th 5^th 6^th 7^th 8^th 9^th 10^th 11^th and 12^th grades is the same as in fucking college. I’ll answer that for you inept salad tossers- it hasn’t changed, so stop trying to tell me my writing needs to conform to some strict guideline that some pole smoker came up with.
3. Philosophy- Great so now I know how to sound like a fuckbag asshole and tell someone they employ weak deductive reasoning or they are too ambiguous with their word choice. Fuck that. How 'bout I just tell them they are worthless and need to contemplate jumping off a bridge?
4. Foreign language- Fuck you, AMERICAN and AMERICAN is what yall should speak… my president and history book told me so. Damn foreigners. All I need is a gun. And Jesus. These colors don’t run!
5. Political science- And, finally… Why should we study fucking politics when we vote on one issue and are so far out of touch with our politicians that we are not even represented. We have no voice because the fucking polygamists, robbers and murders in Washington are part of a pre-established fraternity that we are not allowed to join. Elections are bought, always with our hard earned money that could be spent on more important things like hookers and pot. Politics are a joke, and a wonderful way to shade our worthless eyes from how fucked up we really are.

So, we pay 100,000 dollar to forget everything and pay even more money for booze. We get out of college and either pay more money to learn more dumb shit or go out into the real world which will ultimately lead to conformity and mindlessness. We are fucked, and every one of us helps to lube the ass of society.

Having said that, I would like to note that I share same cheery outlook on life as the real author of this fine weblog. Peace be with you, and Jesus saves, and, you know, shit like that.

G-Spot

Wow. I don't know how to respond. Should I make a joke about fat people? I think so. The funniest thing I have seen in a very long time happened to me a short while ago at a local grocery store. I was walking in to the store in time to see a woman who was holding at least four hundred lb. on her probably skinny frame (probably) crash her Rascal scooter into a Coke display knocking the boxes of soda all over the place and onto her well detailed, maroon fat-ass carrying machine, hitting her in the process. As I laughed my ass off because I'm a douchebag, this monument to enormity actually managed to pry herself from the seat of her scooter and pulled the fucking thing out of the mess - she stood up and pulled it, why the fuck did she need it if she could pull it? Shit I'll never know - and scoot off from the scene. For all I know that fat bitch is still on the loose terrorizing the candy and steak aisles.

Enough already. Fuck me.