Give Them Back

When I travel out of state I sometimes come in contact with people who will ask me stupid questions about Wisconsin, the state in which I was born and still reside. The one I get most often is this: "Do you live on a dairy farm?" No, I don't. Fuck you. I don't know a single person who has ever lived on a dairy farm. I've milked a cow once in my life and I think I was about 7 at the time. I've only been to a dairy farm 2 or 3 times ever. Needless to say, I'm pretty citified.

Having said all that, I'm here to reinforce a stereotype. Wisconsin produces the milk that this country consumes. And the cheese. And all of the other dairy shit that we all love. Do you know who doesn't? California. Fuck California. Happy cows do not come from California. They come from Wisconsin.


Real California Cheese Is Made With Sadness And Dead Babies

Fuck you California. Give our cows back. You have Hollywood, the Golden Gate Bridge, the ocean, and lots and lots of gay people. Let us have our cows.

You know what else? Cows hate earthquakes. And Schwarzenegger. And LA.

Fuck California.