Wednesday, May 24, 2006

An Open Letter to the Jesus Freaks on the Corner of 16th and Wisconsin Ave and in Front of the Marquette University Library.

Dear Religiously Oppressive Asshole,

I would first like to thank you for taking time out of your day, or rather everyday, to berate me for what you perceive to be my fatal flaw - the fact that I am an atheist. I cannot tell you how good it feels to have dumbasses like you pointing out my shortcomings. I'm starting to see it all clearly now. It's all coming to me. OH! SAVE ME JESUS! THE LUNATIC ON THE CORNER TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE GOD!! I'VE BEEN SO WRONG!!

Look, I don't care what you believe. In fact, if believing in a god makes you live a better, happier life then I am all for it. I don't believe in god. I'm not going to suddenly turn a 180 and dedicate my life to the church because some halfwit told me I'm going to hell if I don't submit my life to an invisible man in the sky.

But you, Mr. Psycho on the Corner of 16th and Wisconsin, have nothing on the complete waste of life that stands across the street from the library. This guy is a work of art. For simplicity's sake, I will just call you Mr. Ignorant Dipshit Super-Conservative Know-Nothing Cum Stain. You know as well as I do that the women of Marquette University love it when you call them whores and inject your narrow-minded commentary into their already hectic and stressed out lives. Where would we be without morally superior people like you. And the sign you hold - absolutely brilliant. "Jesus Hates Unsubmissive Wives" you say? "Jesus Hates Fags and Porno Freaks" huh? Well, I don't know about that. I've never met the guy, and I'm pretty sure you haven't either, but wasn't one of this guy's main teachings to LOVE EVERYONE, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT?!?!? But I guess that guy has probably read the Bible four or five times, so he's the expert not me. I wonder if there is anything in there about hating people with more money than I have, because I would really like to burn one of those bastards at the stake and take his money. What? I'll just say he was a witch or something. That'll fly. It won't? Why? BECAUSE WE'VE MOVED PAST THAT IGNORANT PERIOD IN OUR HISTORY? That can't be.

Ultimately, I don't give a flying fuck what anyone chooses to believe. I am a big believer in people coming to conclusion on their own terms. That means thinking things through and making your OWN decision. If you believe in god, great. I don't. You are certainly not going to change my mind by threatening me with eternal damnation. I already live in Wisconsin, I guarantee I've seen worse. So please, both of you numbnuts, just leave me alone when I'm walking on campus. I don't want to deal with you. So far I've been pretty nice, but I am rapidly approaching the point where I either push you in front of a bus or impale you with a broken cross. Either way, god isn't going to help you when I kick your ass back to the Holy Land. Fuck. Now I'm pissed. And it was such a good day. Stupid Jesus.

Love,
Michael

1 comment:

"K" Fingerett said...

Hmm...
"I either push you in front of a bus or impale you with a broken cross." You sound like a friend of mine.

'Sinners in the Hands of and Angry God' I think that was the title. Sorry I can’t remember the author at the moment [this was part of an assignment in high school…kinda weird that I remember it]...

It was all about some guy trying to point out that the sinners needed to be 'reborn' so they’d be 'saved' and all that good stuff. But instead of showing the positive of God's power [I can't remember if that's what they called it or not], this guy focused on the negative- the fact that God was angry at the people. He went on and tried to scare the crap out of people for being sinners. And talked about God being the one to hold us all in his hand and how easily he could drop you into the fiery pits of hell... it also mentioned something about us being like bugs... but anyway- what I'm getting at here is that I agree with the following: "I am a big believer in people coming to conclusion on their own terms...You are certainly not going to change my mind by threatening me with eternal damnation." I believe my conclusion was very similar- and still is.

I would go on and tell you about ‘growing up in the church’ and being the one who questioned everything- how I’d bring things I learned in school [especially the evolution topic- where some people would tell me “Satan put it there to confuse us”…]… and then I’d tell you how they’d tell me to “hush” and that my thoughts, opinions and questions that went against what they were trying to teach me was “Satan’s words” … that it was “Satan talking” and not me… But going into detail would take up way more room in your comments area than I already have.

I was once told that I was too open-minded, stubborn and opinionated to be a “true Christian” … so I don’t know where that leaves me.

I'm glad you made this post. It was needed.


~K