I Am Going to Beat Ann Coulter with a Large Sausage

If I ever have the misfortune of meeting Ann Coulter I think I am just going to twist off and violently end her. It is not very often that I condone the use of violence, but if someone were to "accidentally" shoot her in the face thirty or forty times I would be A-OK with it. That sandy-vagina'd whorebeast-bitch-bomb shouldn't even be allowed to leave her home without supervision let alone interject her narrow-minded and manufactured opinion into the the American airwaves via that bastion of fairness, FOX news. Here is an example of the shit that Ann Coulter spews during her visits with another one of America's open-minded heroes, Sean Hannity:

Ann: I HATE LIBERALS.

Sean: That's right Ann, liberals are destroying this country, you are always right.

Token Liberal: But, the question dealt with the current situation in Iraq.

Ann: YOU ARE AGAINST AMERICA!!! LIBERALS ARE DESTROYING THIS COUNTRY!!! I HATE LIBERALS!!! GEORGE BUSH IS RIGHT!!!

Token Liberal: But Ann, I think . . .

Ann: YOU TERRORIST!!! YOU ARE WITH THE TERRORISTS!!! I HATE LIBERALS!!!

. . . and so on.

Goddamnit, if she even had something worthwhile to say, I would listen just out of the sheer fucking novelty of it, but all she ever says is how much she hates liberals. That's fine Ann, you smelly oyster ditch, but please tell us how to fix the problem that the liberals are causing. What's that? Huh? I couldn't hear you because you were mumbling. Ohhhh. I see, you've built an entire career out of being a loud mouth bitch and you have no real answers. Is that right? Haha, I knew it.

The thing is, I truly wonder if she even believes what she is saying. It just seems as though she sees the most extreme right-wing douche bag out there and realizes that in order to keep her career floating she needs to go just a little further to the right and be a little bit louder and more obnoxious. I wish that, just for one day, I could take the current state of affairs and flip everything around. For one day the Democrats and liberals would be fucking up the war in Iraq and they would control the government during this period of economic instability and high gas prices. And then, for good measure, I would like to take Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity with me to watch it all and to watch themselves as they opined on the situation. Would they be as supportive if the Democrats were in power? If they were to say "No, I only do this to draw a check, you really have no idea what I believe," I could at least understand that. I wouldn't respect it by any means, but I could understand.

So, here's the deal. I hate Ann Coulter, and I'm sure you don't much care for her either. This is what needs to be done:

1. Her vagina needs to be sewn up with industrial strength nylon so that she may never reproduce. If there are more Ann Coulters running around the world screaming about liberals violent crime is going to explode in response and the murders of these Coulter-spawns are going to bring even more attention to this already-accomplished attention whore.

2. Let us never again refer to people as "conservative" or "liberal." Labeling people is bullshit because no two people believe the same things in the same way.

3. Forget it, I'm hitting her in the spine with a baseball bat. I'll bet that studio that Sean Hannity broadcasts from isn't wheelchair friendly. That's Sean Hannity for you, a handicapped-hating donkey-raper.

Please, Ann, do us all a favor and either shut the fuck up or die. Either would work. And it's easy, too. All you have to do is shut your mouth. Or fall off of a tall building. I'll even push you. Just call me and we'll set up an appointment. How about Thursday? Does Thursday work? Cool, we'll get together Thursday. Fucking whore.