Have you ever wondered what would happen if I locked myself in a room with a born-again Christian and a pedophile? I have, and you should have, too. If you did and want an idea of the conversation that might arise, then you are in luck. Here is what might transpire:
Born Again Christian: Michael, Pedophile, welcome to this wonderful room, which was built by the grace of god. Should we begin by praying to our Lord?
Me: No
Pedophile: Only if I can be the priest.
Me: You can be the priest, you're already halfway there.
BAC: Please don't slight my faith with your remarks about the recent rash of pedophelia in the Catholic Church. There is no evidence of a higher percentage of pedophiles within the priesthood than the secular world.
Me: I'll try, but only if you don't say another word about god, deal?
BAC: But. . . I have no other real ideas or opinions of my own! God does all of my thinking for me!
Pedo: I think with my dick.
Me: Me, too. With one exception, my dick doesn't go anywhere near seven year old boys.
Pedo: Lord knows mine does.
BAC: The Lord does know!! And he shall judge you!!
Me: Please, BAC, shut the hell up.
BAC: Only our Lord Jesus Christ can help this man. And you, disparaging the One True God. . .
Me: Right. . . Anyway, Pedo, how is it that you came to fuck little children? I mean, it's pretty fucked up and I just want to know how someone starts out doing it. Did you start at 18 year olds and work your way down, or did you just go full steam ahead and poke a prepubescent boy?
Pedo: I started out with little boys. I didn't really feel like working my way down so I skipped a few steps.
Me: Wow. . . words cannot describe the hatred I feel for you. Please, Mr. BAC, interject god's opinion into this most disgusting of conversations.
BAC: Well, the Lord says that he shall suffer in hell for eternity for his homosexuality.
Me: . . . wait a minute. . . because of his homosexuality? I'm lost here. He will burn in hell because he likes to fuck little BOYS? Not because he fucks KIDS period? You are the single dumbest person I have ever met. And Pedo, you are the kind of person I will sterilize when I become dictator of America.
Pedo: Gimme a young boy. Gimme gimme gimme.
Me: Not now. If you're nice to the BAC maybe you can have his daughter. She's 9, and it would probably be cool with him. I mean, she's a she so I guess god would be cool with that.
BAC: No, premarital intercourse is a mortal sin.
Me: No, it's not. You're an idiot. Banging a little girl is a mortal sin . . . fuck, now you have me talking like you. It's not a mortal sin, it's just fucked up and wrong.
BAC: We need to pray!! I have to talk to God!!
Me: Be quiet when you pray, cool?
BAC: You sinners need to hear the prayer I offer to God.
Me: You need to hear me when I tell you to eat a dick.
BAC: Again, that's a homosexual act. In fact, that action between a man and a woman is a sin in the eyes of God, as well.
Me: You're wife has never. . . ohhh, wow, that's rough.
Pedo: I will. . .
Me: No, Pedo. He's too old for you.
Me: This is the most inane drivel I have ever heard. Pedo, you fuck little boys. BAC, you can't wrap your mind around the simplest of logic. I think the only real solution to this all is for me to chemically castrate you, Pedo, and BAC I'm taking away your Bible for a month.
Both: Awwww. . . .
Me: Christ, what a couple of fucking babies. Jesus fuck, I just said Christ. Two months, BAC. Now go to fucking bed!
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1 comment:
Hmm... I've been away for a while, this post was a great way to welcome me back.
Your mind is somewhere eles- it makes for good stories and all kinds of entertainment.
I'll be back again
Oh, and I see you don't have too many visitors.. well, no one who is leaving comments anyway... You said you loved feedback, try checking out the pages of others with the hope that they'll come on over and check out your page- anyone who sits and reads what you have to say MUST have some kind of reaction... lets just hope they take the time to write a little comment or two
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