This Is Stupid

I am sitting at work right now, thinking of ways to leave early without being noticed. In the meantime I have been dicking around with Google and searching whatever comes to mind. I was curious so I entered the word (I think it's a word) "starmeeting151" and was, naturally, met with entries for my own site. I found something else, though. Some Identity Theft Protection Website that sells fucking mailboxes linked to my site because in a previous post about nearly being robbed I used the words "identity" and "thief." I was perplexed, but I also thought it was really funny since I managed to get the word "fucking" posted twice on their site and "shit" is on there once. Is it childish to be happy that your website was unknowingly linked to and in the process several curse words showed up on a (possibly, I have no idea, though) reputable commercial website? Yes, it is, but fuck that. Who cares? I am almost giddy because I got ripped off but still managed to swear. The best part, though: My post had NOTHING to do with identity theft. In fact, I state explicitely This guy was not trying to steal my identity. I wish I had found out about this sooner......damn.

Fucking fucking shit. Hahahahaha, never gets old.....

Sure I'll Give You My Banking Information

I got one of those Nigerian Oil Heir emails the other day. I took a minute to compose a response:

This offer sounds wonderful. I would be more than happy to help you with this transaction, however, I would first like to ask how you found me of all people?!? I could not believe my good fortune when I read your email! It is my hope that we can begin as soon as possible.

Here is my information:
Name: Nathan W. Churchill
Company: Campbell's Soup - Tomato Bisque and Clam Chowder Division, Assistant to the Regional Soup Manager and Secretary of Tastiness
Bank Info: I am able to open an acount at any financial institution within a 40 mile radius. Anything outside of that, unfortunately, is not possible as I ride a bicycle for transportation and I am afraid I simply cannot peddle any farther. Please respond with your directions for opening such an account and I will be most happy to move forward with our transaction.
Telephone No.: (507) 867-5309

If there is any other information you require please do not hesitate to ask. I am very excited about this. I cannot tell you how much those millions of dollars are going to help with my Save the Retarded Pandas foundation, and I can now afford to buy the malaria medication for my illegitimate daughter! How Fortuna has smiled upon me! Please respond soon. Thank you.

Nathan W. Churchill
(507) 867-5309

Nothing outrageous, but I would love to get a response about this. If there is any way at all that I could fuck with whoever sent this email I would shit myself......

You've Got to be Kidding Me

Let me tell you about the most harrowing and terrifying moment of my day......

I'm telling anyway.

I took a break from pretending to be busy so that I could wander aimlessly around the office in hopes of finding something to occupy my time. In doing so I musta drank me 15 Dr. Peppers (I sincerely hope someone got the Forrest Gump reference) and realized that a stop at the restroom was in short order. I made my way down the hallway and into the men's room and upon opening the door I was nearly physically knocked down by the most powerful, nose-exploding stench I had ever experienced. Naturally, this was fucking hilarious to me, but what made it all better was that the guy who took the rhinocerous dump that managed to leave a tinted cloud throughout the bathroom was still in the shitter. Of course, I laughed. Somewhat loudly. Loud enough that he heard me.

And then, before I could exit the bathroom and continue my procrastination......

Yep.

My boss.
Walks.
Out.
Of.
The.
Stall.

My fucking boss, the man at whom I had just laughed, was the gastronomic wizard that produced a turd that could have gassed half of Auschwitz.

So now what do I do? He definitely saw me as he exited the stall. He knows I was the one who let out the laugh as I walked in. He knows that I know that he took a shit that could have been used to bomb Hiroshima. This is what I'm dealing with.....

That fucking guy better have washed his hands...............