I caught someone stealing from me on Friday night. He wasn't trying to steal my wallet or my identity or my girlfriend, this wretched piece of shit actually went into my apartment and tried to steal my shit. And I caught him. Red-handed. He took off. I caught him. I beat the living shit out of him. I extracted a promise from him to never steal again. He will break that promise, no doubt. Asshole. This is what will happen to you if you ever steal from me. This is what else will happen:
1. I'ma kill yo ass.
2. I'm going to force feed your testicle to you and then kick you in your empty sack just so that you know you are no longer in possession of a working pair of nuts.
3. Ever been sodomized by an angry lion? You will be if you steal from me.
4. Do you know why small children and animals eat rat poison? Because it tastes sweet. You are going to find this out first-hand. Because I'm going to force about 8 lbs of it down your fucking throat.
5. Pirannhas will be employed to eat your face.
6. Am I going to repeatedly hit you in the spine with a baseball bat? You bet I am.
7. There are numerous tall buildings in the Milwaukee area. I'm throwing you off one of them.
The moral of this all - don't fucking steal from me. I don't go into your house and take shit from you while you are gone, please extend the same courtesy to me. Or I'll kill you. And if you think I'm kidding, then fucking try me.
Fucking thief.
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3 comments:
Wow. Aren't you just all happy today... "I'ma kill yo ass"
Did someone really try and take things from your place? What did he take? Erm- try to take?
Do tell.
Oh, and I have a new post up- I think you might like this one ^_^
~K
hmmmm. this 'splains perfectly now why the rats on K's site looked yummy to you.
someone needs a hug. not from me, but hmmmm....
anyway, i officially have luv for your site. good on you man.
B
Where are you big guy? Its been too long... come back and entertain me with your words :)
I hope all is well...
~K
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