How to be a Bigot

Ever wonder how you, too, can be a bigoted asshole? Well, wonder no longer. Here is the answer:

In order to be a bigot, or at least prove to the world that you are a bigot, you must first live next door to a certain ruggedly handsome guy with a seldom read weblog.

After you accomplish this task you have to buy beer. Lots of beer.

Sit down on your balcony with the aforementioned soon-to-be-famous writer and proceed to drink lots of the beer.

Talk casually about anything that comes to mind.

Realize that your ruggedly handsome neighbor is vastly smarter than you can ever hope to be.

Become jealous, but remember that you are too stupid to recognize this jealousy.

Try to impress your benevolent and intellectually superior neighbor by using big words incorrectly and out of context. Smile nervously as he laughs at you for being an idiot.

Continue talking.

Realize that your neighbor is so well-versed in the ways of the world that he can talk at will about nearly any subject.

Begin talking about sports.

Claim that the runner on 3rd should have tagged up with 2 outs.

Get laughed at. Again.

Suddenly realize that you are all drunk.

Start yelling things from the balcony to the people passing by below.

Watch as ruggedly handsome neighbor leaves to go to the bar.

Continue to watch as he and his friends (some of whom happen to be women, which undoubtedly makes you jealous) get into a cab.

Scream at the top of your lungs to the cab driver (who is Indian) "Yeah! Get the fuck out of here you fuckin' foreigner! Fuck you!"

How to cure yourself of your bigotry:

Get raped by a donkey.


Fucking bigots.