New Feature

Today I am going to introduce a new feature on my little "weblog" thingy here. I call it "Michael Compares Two Things That Have Nothing To Do With Each Other Whatsoever," or maybe to make it shorter I'll call it "The Faceoff." Give me some feedback if you prefer one or the other. (Seriously, please do so, it validates my existence). This little gimmick will consist, basically, of me thinking of two random ideas or objects and comparing them. And then I'll probably make fun of someone. And swear. A lot. Enjoy!

The inaugural MCTTTHNTDWEO showdown will pit BLOWJOBS against SCORPIONS!

Who will win? (I don't fucking know yet, why don't you keep reading and find out?)

What it is:

Blowjob - An enjoyable pastime involving a pair of lips (female, in my case) wrapped firmly around my cock with the mouth and tongue sucking my engorged member until I fire off several wads of baby batter into the hair and face of the blowjob-giver.
Personal Enjoyability Rating: A-

Scorpion - An exoskeleton-possessing little minstrel of pain and death. It possesses a sharp, poisonous stinger on the end of its tail and will not hesitate to fuck your world up. It's like a tiny, asshole-ish land lobster. With deadly poison. And it likes crawling in people's shoes when not being worn.
Personal Enjoyability Rating: C+

Why It Is Cool:

Blowjob - If I need to explain why getting my pole licked is enjoyable then I would also like to interest you in these magic beans I have in my pocket.

Scorpion - If you live in the desert your brain is probably already fried. Thus, you more than likely deserve to get stung by one of these petite death messengers. Also, I think its funny when people have to shake out their boots to make sure they don't have any of these critters lodged inside.

Why It's Not Cool:

Blowjob - There are teeth in (most) human mouths. Teeth are hard. And some are sharp. My penis is not a fan of sharp objects. I don't beat off with a hand full of thumbtacks.

Scorpion - Nothing much. Except that they can fucking kill you.


Any Correlation Between The Two?:

Not really. Except that a toothy beej probably hurts worse than a scorpion's sting.

Any Other Uses/Purposes For It's Existence?:

None. Blowjays are what they are. And they are awesome. Scorpions exist solely to haunt my dreams and give me the creeps when I watch nature shows.

Final Notes:

Blowjobs - Overall, very enjoyable. Wet, warm, most of the time pleasurable. Perfect way to make your lover/skeeze you brought back from the bar shut up for ten minutes.

Scorpions - Evil, vile creatures. Look kind of cool. Kill New Mexicans - which is almost as good as killing regular Mexicans. Succeed in keeping me the fuck away from the desert southwest.


Winner:

Blowjobs.

Come on, was it ever really a question? I rest my case.

Watch the fucking teeth, will ya?