More Bang for Your Sister

Before starting this momumental task of providing my thoughts about the world, I feel it is important to take a rough estimate of some of the statistics and data I expect to be associated and generated from this "blog," which is, quite honestly, the stupidest pseudo-word/phrase in circulation. Worse than "ginormous" or even "green-beer." Regardless, on to the stats:

0-2 - Number of readers (total) that I expect to read this piece of shit.

4 - Times I will write on this page before I say "fuck it" because nobody wants to read anything I have to write here.

75-1000 - Number of angsty emo kids I will ridicule in a single, probably incoherent rant to be posted in the future.

5 - Number of times I've scratched my balls since I started writing.

6 - I just scratched them again after I wrote that last sentence because writing about scratching my balls made me want to scratch them again.

20 - My age.

0.00001% - Percentage of the world that gives a shit what a 20 year old has to say.

99.99999% - Percentage of the world that can fuck itself. Also, this doubles as the percentage of people I meet who lack the intelligence to work a ball-point pen or remember to breath.

18 - Holes on a golf course.

98, 2 - Degrees Fahrenheit and number of wet holes, respectively, on the ideal woman.

2 - Number of times I wrote the word "balls." It's always good to end on a high note.