This Is Getting Ridiculous

If you have read anything I've written you can probably figure out that I have a great deal of irrational hatred for a great number of people and things. That's not always the case, though. Some of my anger is completely justified and reasonable, and many of my assertions are the pure, unadulterated truth. For example, it is a universally accepted fact that Ann Coulter is the devil incarnate. Whiskey is good for your health. Sandwiches are fucking awesome. Crackheads smell. And, most importantly, fundamental Christians rank somewhere between aggravated sexual assault and condoms with holes punched in them on the Usefulness to Society Scale.

It is election season. Perhaps you have noticed. In two weeks America will elect a new president and, regardless of the outcome, the course of this nation's history will be forever altered. (Side note: If Barack Obama does not win this election I'll cut off my left nut. I'm dead serious. I'm not moving to Canadia or anything like that. I'm just gonna hack of half of my giblets.) But the presidency is not the only thing at stake. Many states will have various propositions and referendums on which to vote. One of those is Proposition 8 and is being voted on in California. If you are not familiar, Proposition 8 is basically a question posed to California voters asking whether or not gay marriage, which is currently legal in California, should be made illegal. A "Yes" vote on Proposition 8 means that a voter is in favor of repealing the law and making gay marriage illegal.

It also means that voter is a fucking moron. A fucking dipshit.

I have not heard one rational argument against allowing homosexuals to marry. Not one. Every argument I've ever heard is based on religious belief, archaic and antiquated ideas of "how things should be," and/or outright bigotry.

I decided to do some digging to figure out why those who oppose gay marriage do so. (Note: My "digging" consisted of me googling "Arguments Against Gay Marriage") The first return I got on my search was mind-blowing in its idiocy...

NoGayMarriage.com has conveniently provided 10 arguments against gay marriage in the United States. Click the link if you feel compelled. Here are the arguments, followed by my explanation of why the writer is a donkey-raping cock-monger:


1. Gay marriage will destroy the sanctity of the American family.
This is fucking ridiculous. By any conservative estimate homosexuals comprise between 3 and 8% of the American population. That means that there are anywhere from 9 - 20 million homosexuals in America. America has a population of 300 million. Is it possible that the sanctity of the American family is being destroyed by the ever-rising divorce rate and number of children born out of wedlock and to teenage mothers? Or that the "sanctity" of marriage is not in danger but that societal norms are simply changing? Holy shit, that would be downright sensible...fucking idiot.

2. The introduction of gay marriage will lead inexorably to polygamy and other alteratives to one-man, one-woman marriages.
No. No it won't. You know who else used this argument? People who opposed interracial marriage before it was legalized. This idea of "crossing the Rubicon" and the slippery slope are asinine. Do you know what leads to spousal abuse, divorce and broken families? Yeah, marriage between a man and a woman. By this logic all marriage should be abolished because it can lead to these terrible ends. And as for the person who claims that soon after gay marriage a man will be able to marry his donkey.....You. Are. Fucking. Stupid. An animal has no legal standing and cannot enter into a marriage contract. Argument shot down. Fuck you.

3. The homosexual movement's greater objective is to devalue marriage in the eyes of the government thus leading to more easily obtained divorces and an end to the government's compelling interest in marital relationships altogether.
...because marriage, as it stands, is the most revered of all American institutions. It has nothing at all to do with equal rights. Fags can't get married because all they want to do is fuck each other in the ass, but Britney Spears' 55 hour marriage was a blessing from god.

4. With the legalization of homosexual marriage, every public school in the nation will be required to teach that this perversion is the moral equivalent of traditional marriage between a man and a woman.
Wrong again. It is not the public schools' place to teach any form of moral curriculum. And there is that word "traditional." You know what was traditional for a long time? Stoning to death women who were raped. You know what else was a tradition? Fucking slavery. Anything else? Yes, too many to list. Just because something is a tradition doesn't make it necessarily right. For fuck's sake doctors used to use leaches to cure headaches. Why don't they do that anymore? Because WE HAVE ADVANCED AS HUMANS!!! Traditions and societal norms change, and clinging to "tradition" in the face of overwhelming logic is just ridiculous.

5. From this point forward, courts will not be able to favor a traditional family consisting of one man and one woman over a homosexual couple in matters of adoption.
No they will not. And they should not. There is not a shred of credible evidence that shows that homosexuals who adopt a child are any better or worse than a married man and woman when it comes to raising a child. "But Michael, the prospect of motherless or fatherless children will not ever be considered!" To that, I say, "fuck you, you are retarded." If you think that's a credible argument then you must believe that single parents should give their children up, too, because it's not possible for a normal, productive human being to be raised without a father or mother. You would also be wrong, in addition to being fucking stupid. Congratulations.

6. Foster-care parents will be required to undergo "sensitivity training" to rid themselves of bias in favor of traditional marriage, and will have to affirm homosexuality in children and teens.
Oh No! Dear Christ No! They will have to teach tolerance of homosexuals! We can't allow that. No one is saying that foster parents will have to undergo any type of sensitivity training. In fact, the inclusion of this argument is moronic. My head hurts...

7. How about the impact on Social Security if there are millions of new dependents that will be entitled to survivor benefits? It will amount to billions of dollars on an already overburdened system. And how about the cost to American businesses? Unproductive costs mean fewer jobs for those who need them. Are state and municipal governments to be required to raise taxes substantially to provide health insurance and other benefits to millions of new "spouses and other dependents"?
How about the impact of an inherently discriminatory system that denies these benefits to a minority group simply because their lifestyles do not conform to an antiquated idea? And what the hell does this asshole mean by "cost to American business" and "fewer jobs?" Is he really implying that allowing homosexuals to marry will somehow cause the economy and job markets to collapse? And how does he think homosexuals obtain health insurance now? There will be no new costs. Providing benefits to dependents...you mean, of course, all the children homosexuals are miraculously producing, right? Or was it the children in desperate need of adoption that you don't want homosexuals taking in? This whole arguments has been pulled forcefully out of the writer's ass...

8. Marriage among homosexuals will spread throughout the world, just as pornography did after the Nixon Commission declared obscene material "beneficial" to mankind. Almost instantly, the English-speaking countries liberalized their laws against smut. America continues to be the fountainhead of filth and immorality, and its influence is global.
Hopefully the day will come soon when gays can marry and the rest of the world will follow. Filth and immorality are subjective ideas and, in this case, must be interpreted in the light cast by the previous arguments made by the author. Clearly, he is a mongoloid and incapable of rational thought so these terms must be taken with a grain of salt. And really, is America the fountainhead of filth and immorality? Have you ever been to Tijuana? Or seen a German fetish movie? Letting two dudes get married doesn't seem so filthy when compared to the donkey show you see just south of the border. Perhaps you should take your moral indignation down there, asshole.

9. Perhaps most important, the spread of the Gospel of Jesus Christ will be severely curtailed. The family has been God's primary vehicle for evangelism since the beginning.
If you are asking the government to ban gay marriage then you must provide a convincing argument that does not rely on religious beliefs as a crutch. As much as you may want it to be, America is not a fucking theocracy...you cannot legislate morality or religious beliefs. Furthermore, if the family is god's primary vehicle for evangelism then I feel as though that vehicle may have blown a tire and dropped its transmission.

10. The culture war will be over, and I fear, the world may soon become "as it was in the days of Noah" (Matthew 24:37, NIV). This is the climactic moment in the battle to preserve the family, and future generations hang in the balance.
For once we agree. The culture war will be over, and you and your delusional religious zealots will have lost. But who am I kidding? You and millions of others like you will continue to live in fear of the invisible man in the clouds and take orders from a book written thousands of years ago.

So there you go...Ten utterly ridiculous reasons to ban gay marriage. I wish I was surprised by this level of ignorance. Fuck.

I think I'm going to buy of their "Marriage: One Man, One Woman" bumper stickers.

And then I'm going to take a piss on it.