There Is Another

Two days ago I penned a thoughtful and heartfelt letter to my beloved Pam Beasley. At the time I was mesmerized by my dearest Pam's siren call. I was hers.

My most cherished Pam, I am sorry, but there is another. One who speaks to my heart as no other can. One who gives my life meaning.






















Erin Esurance, I would tear yo' ass up! Girl, I would do things to you that are illegal in 48 states. Erin, in short, I would blow your motherfucking cartoon mind all over the table I want to bend your slamming hot cartoon ass over. Girl, I'ma get up in those guts. I'm gonna give you a hysterectomy with ma' pork sword. You ain't even gonna need fucking insurance 'cause, baby, I'm gonna do that shit for free. I'm gonna bang the purple out of your hair girl. You know all those crazy flips and shit you do on your commercials? You ain't doing that for at least a week after I get done splitting you like a sexy little cartoon log.

Erin, clear your schedule. I'm going to drill you like a Texas oil well.

Pam, you're invited, too.