Cristmas Wishes From My Friends

You probably wouldn't know it if you have read anything I have written, but I am on a first name basis with many of America's conservative pundits and talking heads. In fact, we even exchange Christmas cards. This year I asked a few of my friends to send pictures and write a few words of encouragement. I was very pleased with what they sent me, and I would like to share with you a few of them.




"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! No spin zone! No spin zone! Stop bloviating! Be pithy! Pithy you prick!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
-Bill O'Reilly


Thanks for the encouragement Bill!




"Do you like my pink shirt? It's beautiful isn't it? I know. Hold on a minute while I equate healthcare reform with the rise of Nazi Germany. It will only take a second."
-Laura Ingraham

Thanks Laura! You're the best!




"Derpa derp. Derp da derp. Hurr durr. Derp derp da derpa derp. Hurr."
-Glenn Beck

Inspiring! Thanks Glenn!




"For $8.50 you can touch my hair. It smells like lavender."
-Sean Hannity

Oh Sean! Such a prankster!




"The bodies are hidden in the crawlspace."
-Ann Coulter

Merry Christmas to you too Ann!



And Merry Christmas to all of you!

I Hate This Guy

Hey dickhead. There is something I am dying to know. Be honest with me.

What is so fucking hard to understand about rollover minutes? Are you a special kind of retarded? You must be, since even Downs Syndrome kids have a rudimentary grasp of the concept of cellular phone time that never fucking expires. The world is a worse place because you are alive.

I hope your mom slaps the shit out of you. Asshole.

Does Anyone Know CPR?

Awwwwwwww. Shiiiiiiit. I fucked myself good and hard this time. I left the motel room for 10 minutes to go get condoms and Yoohoo and the hooker choked on the ball gag. Fuck. Me.

Give me a minute, I'll be right back. I need to get a full length carpet and a trash compactor.

No, I'm Not Dead Yet

I used to update this bitch with some regularity. Fuck me. I'll start again soon.

As if anyone gives a shit.